I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
