Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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