Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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