Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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