I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
