It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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