I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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