I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
