I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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