why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
