At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize