Me. At least after what I've been through.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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