so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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