he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
