Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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