I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
