Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
