I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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