I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
