no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize