I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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