8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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