i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
