he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
