Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
