I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
