i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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