WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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