Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How's work?
Spinning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize