How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
