Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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