I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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