I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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