It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
