kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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