I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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