Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
