goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
