I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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