peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
