There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
