i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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