Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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