Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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