And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
