The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
