Screwed.edu
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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