...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
