Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
