Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
