Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
