Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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