butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
