if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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