just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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