I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
