Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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