I need help removing her.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
