how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
