I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
