walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
