i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
