Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
