So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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