I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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