she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My balls are so social today.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize